It's Monday!

And it's a beautiful day here. Breezy, right at 65F, and sunny! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day to kick off spring break. Since I don't have any lessons this afternoon, I'm thinking of a bike ride... going to the park... you know... outdoorsy, sun-shiney sorts of things. haha.

Forgive me for not updating in a while, last week turned out to be really stressful. Long story short, I ended up being the principal for last night's Sinfonietta of Ft. Worth concert, and I spent every spare minute last week practicing for it. I was freaking out about all the music, so it's probably better that I didn't write about that, it would've just stressed everyone else out, too. However, all the practice paid off, the concert went REALLY well, definitely not the best performance of my career, but up there. Probably top 20 for sure.

Now that the concert's out of the way, the only thing I have to stress about is my interview tomorrow. Haha. It seems there's always something for me to stress about. Oh well. It'll be over tomorrow afternoon, for better or for worse. Obviously, they liked me the first time around, or they wouldn't be calling me back. They already know pretty much everything there is to know about me as a professional, so I'm guessing my lack of corporate experience and degree in the field aren't an issue for them, since they already know that and are calling me back. I know I have a lot to offer; I'm creative, I'm a self-starter, I can think and problem-solve on my own, and I know when I need to take the initiative and when I need to sit back and let someone else lead, or even ask questions when I need to. I have a lot of experience with all the programs they use, even if I don't have a degree. I have excellent recommendations from every single one of my previous employers. Blah blah blah... excuse me for self-assuring at the moment, it's how I deal :)

Anyways. I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow morning after a lesson at 9, and then I'll grab lunch and head to the interview. Hopefully Melissa's suggestion for my haircut won't be too outrageous for this company :) But I've already decided that I'm not going to sacrifice my young-ness and uniqueness to be a grown-up for this company. I may act like an adult, but I certainly don't want to look like a middle-aged corporate business professional. I'm okay with young-ish corporate business professional :) Besides, they like that I'm young. And creative people should dress creatively, right???

Peace and love,
schmash

It's Thursday!

Mel suggested this haircut:

 

And I kind of like it! A lot :) Larry likes it as well, so it's a go, I think. I've got to figure out who I'll be going to...  since leaving the church I'm not sure Clay will want to be around us. I'm not sure about that at all, but it's just a hunch. My friend Danelle, who works down the street from me at Salon on the Park, got her business cards through me and told me today she owes me a haircut, so it might be time to switch over. That all depends on how Clay decides to act. I hadn't seen him until tonight after the girls' bible study, and it wasn't for very long. Although it was long enough for him to mention that he'd cut Marla McClung's hair today. 

Just need to rant for a sec about that:

**ONE: WHY the hell would he think it was OK to bring up one of the girls Larry dated before we got back together IN FRONT of an entire room of people? My best possible guess is that he just didn't think it through. I wanted to say, "Hey, how about I go over to Bethany and tell her I ran into one of your ex-girlfriends that you used to LIVE WITH. How would that make you feel?" But I didn't. TWO: WHY the hell does she keep popping up? I am PERFECTLY happy to leave it in the past. To not EVER think about it EVER again. HOW does she keep coming back???? She's as bad as Ana. And that's saying something.**

The end of the rant.

Anyways.

SPEAKING OF the church, things went really well. Even better than I'd dared to hope, kind of shockingly and confusingly so. I wasn't sure if we'd get the cold shoulder, or a guilt trip, or something similar, for leaving the church, but everyone was really super supportive and encouraging. Which is a huge relief. And I'm glad it's over. It was, all at once, so much harder and so much easier, than what I'd thought it would be. I was really upset Sunday when I left the church, and I might have taken it out on Larry, but I knew then and I know now that it isn't his fault and I was wrong (shocker... I know...), and I already apologized and we made up :) 

AND just to brag on how amazingly awesome my wonderful husband is... 

This is my birthday present from him :) We've had them at the store for awhile... since September... and I've wanted them... and when Tabitha told me she'd let me have them half off instead of the usual 30%, I told Larry that's what I wanted :) So he got them for me :) and it's my birthday present, but I went ahead and started wearing them, because it doesn't make sense for them to sit in the box at home if I've got them. Now I just have to think of an awesome birthday present for him :) He's the best!

And now I'm off... my friend Tiffany's birthday is tomorrow, and she rented out a theater at the West 7th Movie Tavern for the premiere of Alice in Wonderland!!! I've got to go get dressed :) I'm wearing a wig and a fancy dress :) It's going to be a blast! I'll post pics tomorrow.

xoxo

schmash

So.. about that tough decision.

I was really hesitant to post it on here, just because I didn't even want to take the chance that someone other Mel or Amber would read it and cause drama. But then I realized, no one knows about this other than Mel or Amber! haha. I don't know what I was so worried about.

So the big news? That tough decision? We decided on Tuesday night to leave the church and go elsewhere. I've discussed it pretty extensively with both Mel and Amber, Amber being the most recent. She really encouraged me with the story about Abraham, where God told him to go, and he'd tell him where he needed to be when he got there. We don't know where exactly we need to be, but we'll know when we get there.

The main reason we're leaving is that we just need to be together. We've been going to different churches and it's really started to wear on us, and we just need to be together. Since Larry works at a church on Sunday mornings, it's only logical that I would go to be with him since I'm the one that actually has that choice. Secondly, we know we're not being challenged to grow spiritually at HighRidge. We don't want to assign blame or point fingers, but we simply need to be somewhere where we can grow spiritually, together.

There are other things that have influenced our decision of course, but they're all minor details in comparison with our primary reasons for leaving. None of those minor reasons are eternal, and they simply can't be changed by any action on our part. So whether they are right or wrong neither depends on nor concerns me and Larry, and it's not up to us to make a judgment about them.

Anyways. So we made the decision Tuesday night, and I didn't feel like it would be right to email them then and just leave them hanging for Wednesday rehearsal or Sunday morning, so we decided that we would write a formal letter, and once I got done with my rotation on Sunday I would put it in their box and leave and just not come back. We didn't feel like we should schedule a meeting and sit down and hash it out, because there's honestly nothing we couldn't just state in a letter, and when we're face to face we would run the risk of it becoming a more emotional thing than what we'd want. We just want to write a letter, say that we just need to be together in a place where we will be challenged to grow spiritually, and leave it at that. And whatever their reaction will be, we'll just deal with it then.

It was so strange to be at rehearsal last night though, I felt like such a fraud for being there and pretending like it was just any other week, not my last rehearsal at HighRidge ever. I felt like such an impostor, talking to people like I wasn't really trying to say goodbye to them. It was such an odd feeling, I felt like I was seeing everything through different eyes or something. I just remember that the pattern in the carpet was just so clear, and the exact fabric of the chairs. I don't know, maybe I just knew it was the next to last time I would have the chance to look at it. Isn't it strange the things we remember?

It was really hard to have conversations with people about things happening in the future, knowing full well that I wouldn't be there to take part in them, but having to pretend like I would be so I didn't give the big secret away. I felt awful talking to Steve Schoch and Steve Bowden in particular, they're just such cool guys, and I just know it's going to hurt their feelings a little bit when they find out. I already told Justin myself last night, and I think I'll end up sending an email to Steve Bowden and have Larry call Steve Schoch, I just don't want them to find out about it from anyone else but us. It just seems unfair somehow.

Oh well. I mean, we can't assume how anyone will react at this point. And Larry made a really good observation the other night, he said that the people who are meant to be our friends after this point will be there, and the people that aren't just won't be there. He's so wise about things like that. Well, in general, but especially about hard decisions involving relationships. I'm so glad I have him to encourage me that way, I don't think I would've been able to make this decision and stick with it, knowing that I was going to disappoint people the way we're about to.  But we made the right decision, and we're sticking with it, regardless of how hard it gets in the meantime. We know it's the right step to take. And that we're simply not going to be able to move on with our lives if we're still allowing ourselves to be trapped there.

Now all that remains is to write the letter, sign it, grow a pair and give it to them on Sunday. Wish me luck??

xoxo
schmashmelia

Tough Decisions

"God will never leave you empty. If something is taken away, He will replace it with something better. If He denies your request in a certain area, it is because He wishes to give you what is best. If He asks you to put something down, it is so you can pick up something greater."

-Roy Lessin

Had to make a tough decision yesterday. But I saw this on a friend's Facebook status, and I was encouraged. The decision is made, I just think the follow-through will be the hardest. But Larry and I are both believing that there is something better for us than our current situation. More later :)

Time for a haircut?

 

I think my bangs are a little too long... what do you think??

I've been working on growing my hair out for 1 year and nearly 5 months. In this time, I've gone to the above picture, from this one:

Not bad... I'm not really good at being consistent with my hairstyles. I've been impressed with how long I've kept committed to growing my hair out! It's changed colors of course... and it's been shaped up to suit it's various lengths in the meantime... but I've continued to let it grow. I think I just have really bad hair ADD. I think I kind of live vicariously through my hair... if that is even possible. My life isn't terribly exciting, so I make up for it with changing my hair constantly. haha.

I got my first real urge to change it the other day... I saw the picture below in a catalog for a new line we're picking up at the store called Coal Considered.

 

I LOVE her haircut. There are a couple of other pictures of this same model in the catalog, and the back is all asymmetrical, where it's really short in some spots and kind of long and wispy in others. My only objections to this kind of haircut are: 

1. I don't wear hats on a daily basis, and I don't know if it would be this cute without the hat.
2. When I had really short hair, it added 10 pounds, because my face is wide and my features are kind of flat. That, and when I gain weight, I show it in my face first and foremost. I could just lose 10-20 pounds, but realistically, I like cake. I can't guarantee I wouldn't gain it back oh say, around my birthday. Or the holidays.

So if I don't cut it short again, I would keep growing it, so that it would be really long. Like in the picture below:

Yes, I know she's asian. And that I am not. But this is the general idea, if I were to keep it long. What do we think? I think maybe the short hair would be more manageable for me, especially since I don't wash it that often, but I really like the idea of having long-ish hair. It makes me feel really feminine to have it longer.

Thoughts?