I was really hesitant to post it on here, just because I didn't even want to take the chance that someone other Mel or Amber would read it and cause drama. But then I realized, no one knows about this other than Mel or Amber! haha. I don't know what I was so worried about.
So the big news? That tough decision? We decided on Tuesday night to leave the church and go elsewhere. I've discussed it pretty extensively with both Mel and Amber, Amber being the most recent. She really encouraged me with the story about Abraham, where God told him to go, and he'd tell him where he needed to be when he got there. We don't know where exactly we need to be, but we'll know when we get there.
The main reason we're leaving is that we just need to be together. We've been going to different churches and it's really started to wear on us, and we just need to be together. Since Larry works at a church on Sunday mornings, it's only logical that I would go to be with him since I'm the one that actually has that choice. Secondly, we know we're not being challenged to grow spiritually at HighRidge. We don't want to assign blame or point fingers, but we simply need to be somewhere where we can grow spiritually, together.
There are other things that have influenced our decision of course, but they're all minor details in comparison with our primary reasons for leaving. None of those minor reasons are eternal, and they simply can't be changed by any action on our part. So whether they are right or wrong neither depends on nor concerns me and Larry, and it's not up to us to make a judgment about them.
Anyways. So we made the decision Tuesday night, and I didn't feel like it would be right to email them then and just leave them hanging for Wednesday rehearsal or Sunday morning, so we decided that we would write a formal letter, and once I got done with my rotation on Sunday I would put it in their box and leave and just not come back. We didn't feel like we should schedule a meeting and sit down and hash it out, because there's honestly nothing we couldn't just state in a letter, and when we're face to face we would run the risk of it becoming a more emotional thing than what we'd want. We just want to write a letter, say that we just need to be together in a place where we will be challenged to grow spiritually, and leave it at that. And whatever their reaction will be, we'll just deal with it then.
It was so strange to be at rehearsal last night though, I felt like such a fraud for being there and pretending like it was just any other week, not my last rehearsal at HighRidge ever. I felt like such an impostor, talking to people like I wasn't really trying to say goodbye to them. It was such an odd feeling, I felt like I was seeing everything through different eyes or something. I just remember that the pattern in the carpet was just so clear, and the exact fabric of the chairs. I don't know, maybe I just knew it was the next to last time I would have the chance to look at it. Isn't it strange the things we remember?
It was really hard to have conversations with people about things happening in the future, knowing full well that I wouldn't be there to take part in them, but having to pretend like I would be so I didn't give the big secret away. I felt awful talking to Steve Schoch and Steve Bowden in particular, they're just such cool guys, and I just know it's going to hurt their feelings a little bit when they find out. I already told Justin myself last night, and I think I'll end up sending an email to Steve Bowden and have Larry call Steve Schoch, I just don't want them to find out about it from anyone else but us. It just seems unfair somehow.
Oh well. I mean, we can't assume how anyone will react at this point. And Larry made a really good observation the other night, he said that the people who are meant to be our friends after this point will be there, and the people that aren't just won't be there. He's so wise about things like that. Well, in general, but especially about hard decisions involving relationships. I'm so glad I have him to encourage me that way, I don't think I would've been able to make this decision and stick with it, knowing that I was going to disappoint people the way we're about to. But we made the right decision, and we're sticking with it, regardless of how hard it gets in the meantime. We know it's the right step to take. And that we're simply not going to be able to move on with our lives if we're still allowing ourselves to be trapped there.
Now all that remains is to write the letter, sign it, grow a pair and give it to them on Sunday. Wish me luck??
xoxo
schmashmelia
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