Scent Memories??

Do you ever smell something and all the sudden it takes you right back to a certain place or time??? Or is that just me? For instance, I'm at work and the front door is open, and some mixture of car exhaust, cigarette smoke, fresh baked bread and dogwood trees took me right back to Notre Dame, in Paris. Isn't that strange?? Just for a second I was lost in that memory, it was so specific!

There was a street along the side of Notre Dame, opposite of the river, where there were several touristy sorts of shops and little cafes. I remember standing just outside the cafe, looking up at the gargoyles adorning the corners of the cathedral, and I'd just gotten a coffee with milk from one of the cafes. It was kind of chilly in the shade at about 10:00 in the morning, so I had my hands wrapped around the cup. A girl with long black curly hair walked in front of me with several loaves of bread wrapped in brown paper. It was kind of a wide street so there were several trucks and cars delivering various things to the shops. The street was paved with cobblestones, all rounded squares and various shades of gray and dirty.

And that's it. That's the whole memory. There's so much detail, and yet so little in that single snapshot from my memory. I don't remember, for instance, what I was wearing, or who I was standing next to. I don't remember exactly what we did after that, or exactly what day that was, or exactly what time. But so much detail about what I saw and smelled and felt.

Strange, huh?

EVEN WEIRDER.... I found the EXACT spot I was standing, using Google Maps. So so so so so weird.

This is the aerial view of Notre Dame, it's the big oval thing in the middle. haha. On top of that, where the 4 dots are in a row, I'm standing about the second dot.

And in this picture, I was standing just in front of the popcorn cart thing. And if you turn around and face the part of the picture you can't see, you'd be looking at the north wall of Notre Dame.

So so so so weird you can actually find this on the internet. Kind of creepy too, I guess, if you think about it! :/

love,

schmash

So much to do...

And so little motivation to do it :) hahaha.

I've been SO stressed out over the past week that I've had ZERO energy for the past two days. Bleh. I hate feeling useless and unproductive! So I cleaned up a lot at the store today and brought home a bunch of the store dishes and the bathroom rug so I could wash them. And then I did our laundry and put our sheets on our bed since Larry had so kindly put them in the wash this morning when I left for work and even put them in the dryer when they were done! What a great hubbs :)

So my interview went really well on Tuesday, and I got the job, of course :) They met me at my salary requirements (which is dirt cheap for them I'm sure, but effectively doubles my income...), I will have full health coverage through Cigna (PPO, all I'll have is a regular copay), I am eligible to contribute to the 401K after 90 days, and they have a corporate membership to LA Fitness ($20 a month for me, which is waaaaay cheaper than what I'd normally pay). I don't know if/when I can add Larry to my health coverage, and how much it will cost if I can add him, so I'll have to find out about that. I also have 15 days PTO every year, plus 9 paid holidays. All in all, it's a pretty sweet deal. I just hope I can adjust to having a desk job.

AND TO THE 8-5 I'LL BE WORKING. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRHHHH.

I'm not excited about that part, but it's worth it. With Larry starting school soon, I'm going to need to have something stable. Not to mention the health insurance.

Anyways. That's about it. Oh. Except for I didn't even mention what I'd be doing. haha. See? Useless :) I'll be in Production, which basically makes me a glorified editor. Except for I have kind of the final say on products going to the client, I'll be proofing and editing, researching product descriptions, and generally making sure it looks cool. Not as graphics-intensive as I would've liked, but all the members of the team I'll be working with are graphics veterans, so I'll have the opportunity to learn the entire Adobe Creative Suite (including Flash and a little Dreamweaver) from them. So that's pretty cool. Anyways, I'm brushing up on my AP stylebook skills, as well as reading the Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator and InDesign "Classroom in a Book"'s.

We'll see how it goes :) That's about all I've got for now, and the hubbs just got home, so we're going to hang out!

love,
schmash

It's Monday!

And it's a beautiful day here. Breezy, right at 65F, and sunny! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day to kick off spring break. Since I don't have any lessons this afternoon, I'm thinking of a bike ride... going to the park... you know... outdoorsy, sun-shiney sorts of things. haha.

Forgive me for not updating in a while, last week turned out to be really stressful. Long story short, I ended up being the principal for last night's Sinfonietta of Ft. Worth concert, and I spent every spare minute last week practicing for it. I was freaking out about all the music, so it's probably better that I didn't write about that, it would've just stressed everyone else out, too. However, all the practice paid off, the concert went REALLY well, definitely not the best performance of my career, but up there. Probably top 20 for sure.

Now that the concert's out of the way, the only thing I have to stress about is my interview tomorrow. Haha. It seems there's always something for me to stress about. Oh well. It'll be over tomorrow afternoon, for better or for worse. Obviously, they liked me the first time around, or they wouldn't be calling me back. They already know pretty much everything there is to know about me as a professional, so I'm guessing my lack of corporate experience and degree in the field aren't an issue for them, since they already know that and are calling me back. I know I have a lot to offer; I'm creative, I'm a self-starter, I can think and problem-solve on my own, and I know when I need to take the initiative and when I need to sit back and let someone else lead, or even ask questions when I need to. I have a lot of experience with all the programs they use, even if I don't have a degree. I have excellent recommendations from every single one of my previous employers. Blah blah blah... excuse me for self-assuring at the moment, it's how I deal :)

Anyways. I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow morning after a lesson at 9, and then I'll grab lunch and head to the interview. Hopefully Melissa's suggestion for my haircut won't be too outrageous for this company :) But I've already decided that I'm not going to sacrifice my young-ness and uniqueness to be a grown-up for this company. I may act like an adult, but I certainly don't want to look like a middle-aged corporate business professional. I'm okay with young-ish corporate business professional :) Besides, they like that I'm young. And creative people should dress creatively, right???

Peace and love,
schmash

It's Thursday!

Mel suggested this haircut:

 

And I kind of like it! A lot :) Larry likes it as well, so it's a go, I think. I've got to figure out who I'll be going to...  since leaving the church I'm not sure Clay will want to be around us. I'm not sure about that at all, but it's just a hunch. My friend Danelle, who works down the street from me at Salon on the Park, got her business cards through me and told me today she owes me a haircut, so it might be time to switch over. That all depends on how Clay decides to act. I hadn't seen him until tonight after the girls' bible study, and it wasn't for very long. Although it was long enough for him to mention that he'd cut Marla McClung's hair today. 

Just need to rant for a sec about that:

**ONE: WHY the hell would he think it was OK to bring up one of the girls Larry dated before we got back together IN FRONT of an entire room of people? My best possible guess is that he just didn't think it through. I wanted to say, "Hey, how about I go over to Bethany and tell her I ran into one of your ex-girlfriends that you used to LIVE WITH. How would that make you feel?" But I didn't. TWO: WHY the hell does she keep popping up? I am PERFECTLY happy to leave it in the past. To not EVER think about it EVER again. HOW does she keep coming back???? She's as bad as Ana. And that's saying something.**

The end of the rant.

Anyways.

SPEAKING OF the church, things went really well. Even better than I'd dared to hope, kind of shockingly and confusingly so. I wasn't sure if we'd get the cold shoulder, or a guilt trip, or something similar, for leaving the church, but everyone was really super supportive and encouraging. Which is a huge relief. And I'm glad it's over. It was, all at once, so much harder and so much easier, than what I'd thought it would be. I was really upset Sunday when I left the church, and I might have taken it out on Larry, but I knew then and I know now that it isn't his fault and I was wrong (shocker... I know...), and I already apologized and we made up :) 

AND just to brag on how amazingly awesome my wonderful husband is... 

This is my birthday present from him :) We've had them at the store for awhile... since September... and I've wanted them... and when Tabitha told me she'd let me have them half off instead of the usual 30%, I told Larry that's what I wanted :) So he got them for me :) and it's my birthday present, but I went ahead and started wearing them, because it doesn't make sense for them to sit in the box at home if I've got them. Now I just have to think of an awesome birthday present for him :) He's the best!

And now I'm off... my friend Tiffany's birthday is tomorrow, and she rented out a theater at the West 7th Movie Tavern for the premiere of Alice in Wonderland!!! I've got to go get dressed :) I'm wearing a wig and a fancy dress :) It's going to be a blast! I'll post pics tomorrow.

xoxo

schmash

So.. about that tough decision.

I was really hesitant to post it on here, just because I didn't even want to take the chance that someone other Mel or Amber would read it and cause drama. But then I realized, no one knows about this other than Mel or Amber! haha. I don't know what I was so worried about.

So the big news? That tough decision? We decided on Tuesday night to leave the church and go elsewhere. I've discussed it pretty extensively with both Mel and Amber, Amber being the most recent. She really encouraged me with the story about Abraham, where God told him to go, and he'd tell him where he needed to be when he got there. We don't know where exactly we need to be, but we'll know when we get there.

The main reason we're leaving is that we just need to be together. We've been going to different churches and it's really started to wear on us, and we just need to be together. Since Larry works at a church on Sunday mornings, it's only logical that I would go to be with him since I'm the one that actually has that choice. Secondly, we know we're not being challenged to grow spiritually at HighRidge. We don't want to assign blame or point fingers, but we simply need to be somewhere where we can grow spiritually, together.

There are other things that have influenced our decision of course, but they're all minor details in comparison with our primary reasons for leaving. None of those minor reasons are eternal, and they simply can't be changed by any action on our part. So whether they are right or wrong neither depends on nor concerns me and Larry, and it's not up to us to make a judgment about them.

Anyways. So we made the decision Tuesday night, and I didn't feel like it would be right to email them then and just leave them hanging for Wednesday rehearsal or Sunday morning, so we decided that we would write a formal letter, and once I got done with my rotation on Sunday I would put it in their box and leave and just not come back. We didn't feel like we should schedule a meeting and sit down and hash it out, because there's honestly nothing we couldn't just state in a letter, and when we're face to face we would run the risk of it becoming a more emotional thing than what we'd want. We just want to write a letter, say that we just need to be together in a place where we will be challenged to grow spiritually, and leave it at that. And whatever their reaction will be, we'll just deal with it then.

It was so strange to be at rehearsal last night though, I felt like such a fraud for being there and pretending like it was just any other week, not my last rehearsal at HighRidge ever. I felt like such an impostor, talking to people like I wasn't really trying to say goodbye to them. It was such an odd feeling, I felt like I was seeing everything through different eyes or something. I just remember that the pattern in the carpet was just so clear, and the exact fabric of the chairs. I don't know, maybe I just knew it was the next to last time I would have the chance to look at it. Isn't it strange the things we remember?

It was really hard to have conversations with people about things happening in the future, knowing full well that I wouldn't be there to take part in them, but having to pretend like I would be so I didn't give the big secret away. I felt awful talking to Steve Schoch and Steve Bowden in particular, they're just such cool guys, and I just know it's going to hurt their feelings a little bit when they find out. I already told Justin myself last night, and I think I'll end up sending an email to Steve Bowden and have Larry call Steve Schoch, I just don't want them to find out about it from anyone else but us. It just seems unfair somehow.

Oh well. I mean, we can't assume how anyone will react at this point. And Larry made a really good observation the other night, he said that the people who are meant to be our friends after this point will be there, and the people that aren't just won't be there. He's so wise about things like that. Well, in general, but especially about hard decisions involving relationships. I'm so glad I have him to encourage me that way, I don't think I would've been able to make this decision and stick with it, knowing that I was going to disappoint people the way we're about to.  But we made the right decision, and we're sticking with it, regardless of how hard it gets in the meantime. We know it's the right step to take. And that we're simply not going to be able to move on with our lives if we're still allowing ourselves to be trapped there.

Now all that remains is to write the letter, sign it, grow a pair and give it to them on Sunday. Wish me luck??

xoxo
schmashmelia